


What if I'm a Mermaid?

by starlurker



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Transfic Mini Fest, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-16
Updated: 2010-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-09 11:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/86841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlurker/pseuds/starlurker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt is changing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What if I'm a Mermaid?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [kanata](dreamwidth.kanata.org)'s [Trans Fic Fest](http://kanata.dreamwidth.org/1255196.html?thread=9801756#cmt9801756). Original prompt was _Glee: mtf!Kurt/Finn, first time._

~~Christina Hummel~~  
~~Courtney Hummel~~  
~~Katherine Hummel-Hudson~~  
~~Kay Hummel-Hudson~~  
~~Jennifer Hudson~~  
~~Christina K. Hummel~~  
~~K. Ava Hummel~~  
~~Ava K. Hummel~~  
Kay Hummel

***

Kurt looked at Finn practicing the drums, his mouth opening and closing to mimic the beat he was creating. They were alone in the music room and that was good enough for Kurt's purposes. He sat close to Finn's drums and took a notebook out, doodling random circles on the blank page. The best way to punch through the fog that surrounded Finn's brain was a blunt, direct attack. Start strong and don't let up.

Finn smiled at him and stopped drumming, looking expectantly at Kurt.

"Have you ever felt wrong in your body?" Kurt made sure to keep doodling on his notebook after he asked the question.

After looking at Kurt cockeyed, Finn seemed to remember something. "Yeah, when I was 13," Finn said.

"In what way?" Kurt asked in shock.

"I thought I was a dog in a man's body."

Kurt stopped the line of questioning right there, but Finn had the glaze of a distant memory on his face.

"I thought I was a golden Labrador," Finn said. "I stole a box of Purina Dog Treats from Mr. Sanchez at the corner and thought that was all I needed."

"Why a dog?" Kurt asked against his will.

"They're great! Everyone normal likes dogs."

"I hate dogs," Kurt said. "They get fur on my McQueen jackets."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't think you've ever been normal, Kurt." Finn smiled while Kurt took the painful hit quietly.

"Doesn't mean you're not cool though." Finn stood up and slapped Kurt on the back. He walked out whistling Journey and Kurt hated it that he kept looking until he couldn't see Finn anymore.

***

Kurt decided that the girls would probably make a better audience for this declaration. Better than Finn anyway.

"I want to become a girl," Kurt announced to the girls.

"Aren't you one already?" Santana said.

"There's a difference between bitch and girl," Kurt said, raising his perfectly tweezed eyebrow at her. Santana scoffed and went to sit beside Brittany. "I'm serious, you guys."

"You can't be serious," Rachel said, clearly shocked. "Being a girl is hard, Kurt."

"Being a girl is easy," Kurt sniped, "being you is hard." Rachel's face crumpled as she turned away from the conversation to busy herself with sheet music.

"Rachel's got a point," Mercedes said. "Just because you dress like one and talk like one and sort of look like one doesn't mean you know what it's like."

"Please don't go into Madonna," Kurt said.

"I'm not," Mercedes said. "Think about it a little bit more though. It wasn't that long ago when you couldn't even say that you were gay. How do you know you're not still just confused about that?"

"It feels different," Kurt said. "Anyway, I've already started."

Six pairs of shocked female eyes looked at him.

"What do you mean you already started?" Tina asked.

"I took some of my mom's old estrogen pills. They were expired, but I thought they were a good start," Kurt said.

"That is a good start," Brittany said. "You won't get the monthly visitor." She looked around and said, "I hide from her behind the water heater," she whispered.

"Shut up," Quinn said, rising with effort. "And you," she pointed at Kurt, "you don't know what you're talking about. No man would be ready or man enough for this," she said, pointing at her belly.

"I want to be a girl, Quinn, not a pregnant girl."

The room became quiet.

"I don't get it," Mercedes said. "But I'll help you out, you know that, right?"

"I'll help too, Kurt," Tina said, while Rachel smiled at him and nodded her head, which made Kurt feel like an ass. The others didn't say a word, but apparently found their shoes fascinating.

"Yeah," Kurt said, trying not to get too emotional. "Got it."

***

Kurt didn't really feel any different yet, but he was sure that the pills were already working. According to Wikipedia, pills only lost potency, not effect, so he was sure the expired estrogen in his body was already changing it in some way, even at reduced doses. Or so he tried to tell himself every morning when he took them.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. His lips would be good with a light gloss. His hair could easily be fixed into a cute bob. Pinks would be good with his complexion, and black always looked good.

"I'm a beautiful girl," he said. He didn't quite believe it yet, but he felt the conviction, the sureness coming.

***

Kurt looked at the caller ID before picking up. Mercedes.

"Hey, M."

"So I was looking some stuff up. And I asked my dad about pills."

"And?"

"I don't think the pills work that way, Kurt," Mercedes said gently.

"Your dad's a dentist, Mercedes."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's talking about, and that better not be an insult."

"I'm not insulting him." Kurt paused. He knew deep down the pills really wouldn't work, but it still stung to hear confirmation. "Besides, I know."

"Why say all of that to us then?"

"It was nice to think that it would be that easy."

"So what, you had a Finn moment and thought you could become a woman from some expired hormones?"

"Willingly."

Static. The sound of Mercedes' breathing, the figurative sound of her trying to figure out what to say. "Do you really think you're a girl trapped in a man's body?" Mercedes asked after the uncomfortable pause.

"It changes. It's really confusing. But have you ever thought you were a man in a woman's body?"

"No."

"Ever?"

"No."

"I can't say the same," he said, which didn't make sense. "You know what I mean." He started to cry and hated himself for it.

"I love you, girl," Mercedes said, and just like that, Kurt stopped crying to laugh.

***

Finn pleaded and Kurt relented, so on a fine Saturday morning, he found himself helping Finn clean up the mess in Finn's basement.

"The Purina Dog Treats are still here!" Finn said.

"Oh good, you can become a dog now." Kurt gingerly picked up some unidentified underwear with some barbecue tongs he found earlier.

Finn cast a side glance at him, and opened the bag with a great deal of drama.

"Finn, don't," Kurt said.

Finn took one bone out and took a big bite.

"That's disgusting."

"Arf arf," Finn said, grinning. "I'm not that much different from you."

Kurt felt his spine straighten into a rigid line. "What do you mean?"

"Rachel said you were about to become a girl, and that you took some pills already."

Why did he expect better from this world exactly? "Becoming a dog and becoming a girl are two totally different things."

"I don't think it's that easy," Finn said.

"I'm already growing breasts," Kurt said, even if he wasn't. He'd been measuring for days though, just in case. "I'm already becoming a woman."

Finn's eyes bugged out. "Really?" he squeaked.

"Really," Kurt said.

Finn looked trapped in his vacant way. Kurt wondered distantly if he would get hit now.

"Can I see?" Finn asked, and Kurt couldn't quite conceal his shock.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes?"

You only have one shot, Kurt thought. Take it. He started to unbutton his D&amp;G shirt, his milky pale chest coming into view. He thrust his shoulders slightly forward to give the illusion of cleavage that wasn't really there. Finn stepped forward hesitantly, slowly reaching for Kurt's chest.

Kurt took a deep breath when Finn's hand made contact. He exhaled when Finn's hand lay flat on his sternum.

"It still feels like a guy's chest," Finn said quietly.

"Not to me," Kurt said. Finn's hand drifted slowly down.

"You'd make a really pretty girl, I think."

It was stupid, it was childish, it was all kinds of wrong, but at that moment, Kurt felt like a princess, like one of the girls from _90210_ or _The Hills_, the mythical girl who had the cute jock wrapped around her finger.

"I think so too," Kurt said, and she held Finn's hand. Finn didn't pull away, and for today, for her at that moment, that was good enough. She knew things could change just as quickly.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Some changes due to clean up.


End file.
